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How to not be shy
Shyness can poison the shy person’s life and lead to depression or total isolation. It can also be a source of great suffering psychically, emotionally and physically.
Shyness is a curse for the one who lives it. It hinders them in their relations with others and their activities, it prevents them from expressing themself, asserting themself and blossoming.
Shyness is a disorder that occurs when you come into contact with other people. It results in a great discomfort, a lack of self-confidence, a lack of confidence and ease. Shyness is a feeling of insecurity and can lead to fear.
If nothing is done, shyness can poison the life of the shy and lead to depression or total isolation. It can also be a source of great suffering psychically, emotionally and physically.
How to recognize a shy person
#1 When a shy person meets the eyes of others, he becomes destabilized and loses his power of communication, his ideas and his means. As if electrocuted, he becomes paralyzed.
#2 On the physical level, we recognize a shy person, a pale face, redness, stuttering, tremors and sweating. To this must be added an unintelligible or inaudible voice and awkward gestures.
#3 On the psychological level, shyness is manifested by a depreciation of one’s person and a paralysis. Thus, the shy person focuses only on the person who scares him.
#4 Whenever possible, the shy person tries to avoid contact.
#5 At some point, he sometimes thinks he’s being hurt.
#6 It also happens that a shy person becomes aggressive in order to hide his weakness.
Where does shyness come from: how does one become shy?
To understand the origins of shyness, we must go back to childhood.
Experience has already shown that most people who are shy have evolved in a tightly closed family environment.
But there are also shy people who have experienced family conflict, or those who have been disaffected as children.
In other words, it is people who have been emotionally weakened who are likely to develop shyness, more than others.
But other factors, such as the loss of a young parent or school failure, can contribute to increased shyness.
It should also be pointed out that shyness is not hereditary.
Everything you just read explains how to get rid of it. But knowing more helps to overcome shyness. yes, with little effort and good will, we can overcome it.
Now we will be talking about overcomig Shyness then I will share how to overcome shyness.
Shyness is most certainly the pain that affects most of us. It is more or less exacerbated according to people and situations.
But it is very common and has a strong power of nuisance. Overcoming shyness is very essential. I am sure you have already experienced one or more of these situations …
When you enter a room full of strangers and you suddenly felt this awkward and weird feeling.
Or that moment when your heart was beating loudly because you wanted to get someone out with you, but you were too shy to do it.
Or when you wanted to approach someone in the course of your work, or a simple phone call, but you were too hesitant to do so.
Or this anxiety felt deep within you during social situations.
Do you constantly have the impression that something is holding you back from doing what you want or want to do?
We can all experience a sense of shyness at some point. But when it becomes recurrent, a source of discomfort and inner suffering, then it is no longer a mere passing feeling. It is an evil that you must overcome.
We often tend to believe that only introverted people can be shy. But this is not true.
Being introverted does not mean being shy. And being an extrovert does not mean being shy.
Shyness is more about being uncomfortable with oneself when you are with other people.
I do not think people are born shy. In fact, it is a bad attitude that we adopt little by little, during our life, often following painful social experiences.
If shyness is a problem for you, then you probably want to know how to be shy. You can relax because there are tips and techniques that can effectively overcome shyness.
In this article, I will share techniques and methods that will allow you to be less shy and boost your self-confidence. Until no longer shy.
The three aspects of shyness
According to Dr. Bernardo J. Carducci of the Shyness Research Institute, shyness has three aspects:
1. Excessive self-awareness: being too self-conscious, being too self-aware, especially in social situations.
2. Excessive negative self-assessment: tend to see yourself negatively and exaggerate this negative evaluation
3. Negative and excessive self-concern: Tend to pay too much attention to all the things that are hurting when surrounded.
Do you recognize that?
When you feel shy, can you find yourself in one or more of the categories above?
We can all, of course.
But when it is to each social situation, and even before each social situation, that you fall into these, then yes, you suffer from shyness.
Why do we happen to be shy?
it happens to us all, in different ways and to varying degrees.
It is not a question here of listing all the causes of shyness. However, the main cause can be summarized as one of the following:
1. Low self-esteem
This is especially true for our high school experiences. It was wrong to believe that our unique qualities were not interesting, cool or worthy of anyone’s admiration. We could try to adapt to everyone and not feel ourselves.
2. Too much self-importance
When we are surrounded by other people, we become extremely sensitive to what we do, as if the projectors were focused on us. This creates anxiety and makes us question each of our movements. Our concentration revolves around ourselves and especially on “what we did badly”.This can lead to a destructive spiral.
The following techniques helped me overcome this feeling of unease. I do not doubt that they will help you too.
Overcoming Shyness: 4 Basic Principles
But before seeing these techniques and tips, I want to start with 4 basic principles.
They could be part of the techniques and tips outlined below. But as each of these techniques is optional, these four principles are mandatory and unavoidable.
You can choose the techniques that best suit you and build your own toolbox. But you can not choose some of these principles and leave out those you do not like.
1. Be patient and perseverant
To overcome shyness, do not burn the steps. You have to go slowly. Getting good results can take several months.
Yes, I know, you certainly did not expect such a trick. And that’s certainly not what you wanted to read.
But it’s reality. And I do not want to lie to you.
Overcoming shyness is a realistic goal and a workable mission. But that can be long. Like all work on oneself.
Not to mention the relapses you might experience and the morale or motivation drops.
2. Act gradually
Do not expose yourself to the situation that scares you the most. You will only increase the trauma and make the journey even longer and more difficult.
Proceed in successive steps by putting yourself in a situation that worries you a little.
For example, if your fear is to speak in public, do not go to a conference overnight. Start with a small informal presentation at work, in front of a few colleagues. 2 or 3 will do the trick.
Gently, by trivializing these situations that worry you a little, then gradually increasing the difficulty, you will manage to speak in public. Or any other social activity that today seems inaccessible to you.
3. Be indulgent with yourself
I will repeat myself. But you will inevitably experience relapses or declines in morale or motivation. It’s normal.
This happens to everyone, whatever the project in which one starts.
Be indulgent and take the time to take a break. Then leave.
4. Understand your shyness
Seek to understand what kind of shyness you have when and how it manifests itself in your life.
Try to understand what situation triggers this feeling. And ask yourself what concerns you at that time.
Overcoming Shyness: 9 Effective Techniques
Now that you have understood these principles, principles that you will not lose sight of, let us now turn to the essence of this article: how to overcome shyness with 9 effective and infallible methods.
To explain above, you do not have to use all these methods. Of course, the more you use, the better. But this is not an obligation. Make up your personal toolbox.
The essential thing is:
Do not forget the 4 principles presented above
Act regularly a Gradually
And I do not doubt that you will succeed in overcoming your shyness!
# 1 Move from self-concern to self-awareness
Realize that the whole world does not look at you.
In fact, most people are too busy looking at themselves.
Instead of perceiving yourself as looking through someone else’s eyes, look directly into yourself.
By understanding what makes you shy, look within yourself and become the observant presence of your thoughts.
Self-awareness is the first step in any quest for change or improvement in the quality of life.
#2 Find your strengths
We all have different qualities and ways of expressing ourselves. It is important to know and fully accept the things we are good at even if they are different from the norm.
Find something you are good at and focus on.
Identifying one of its strengths stimulates natural self esteem and ego, which helps to better identify with oneself.
It’s a short-term solution, but one that will give you the confidence you need to break the barrier of fear that you impose on yourself.
Realize that your own asset gives you an edge.
For example, I am a person who speaks little and likes to be alone. But I often listen better than others and I notice things in the conversations others let.
#3 Learn to love yourself
Train yourself to appreciate yourself and to love the person you are. With your assets (if you have one!) And your perfectible points (if, even with them!)
Do activities that appeal to you, express your gratitude to your body and all that it allows you to do without (too much) effort, take the time to get to know you, give yourself an appointment in face to face with yourself.
#4 Do not conform to others
Trying to look like everyone else is rather exhausting and not very entertaining.
Understand that you have the right to be different and to be yourself.
Accept that you may not be perceived as the most popular social person nor want to be.
In the end, being popular will not make you happy. Accepting your unique qualities can free you.
#5 Accept the rejection
Do not forget: you are not alone to whom this happens. To be rejected, it happens to everyone. It’s part of life and the learning process.
The key is how you manage releases when they occur. Being mentally prepared before they take place can be helpful.
Never take it personally. It’s not your fault. It is the choice of the person in front of you that could have made another choice or another attitude.
Find the moral of this situation: what did you learn? There is a moral to remember in all situations. And the potential to become a better and stronger person is through these life lessons. Nothing is lost if you can find the moral of the situation. See them as an evil for good.
Go ahead. Recognize that when you begin to feel sorry for yourself, you are not moving forward. It is not by pitying yourself that you will change anything. When we start to recognize it,
it becomes clear that we are just wasting energy while feeding our ego while constantly looking for problems. Rise up, leave your troubles behind and move on. Try again and again. It will bear fruit!
#6 Relieve anxiety with breathing
Anxiety and fear can seem overwhelming if you train yourself to assert yourself more to overcome your fears.
A simple technique to calm and manage anxiety is to breathe deeply with your eyes closed and focusing on your breathing. Inhale and exhale slowly while emptying your mind.
This other technique comes from yoga: counting by inhaling and exhaling to slowly stabilize the duration of the inspirations and expirations. For example, inhale for 4 seconds then exhale for 4 seconds. Once your breathing is stabilized, lengthen the expirations by counting a little longer.
It is a matter of slowing down the duration of the expirations a little more than that of the inspirations. Continue for a few minutes until you are comfortable, then extend the duration of the expirations again. You can easily train in the bathroom, in a free room or as soon as you feel the need.
#7 Relieve anxiety through sport
One way to see anxiety is to perceive it as energy that is blocked and needs to be released.
Release this energy that chokes you by performing exercises.
Physical exercises like jogging or walking will help recanalize the stuck energy. They also help to get out of the anxiety situation and they change our state of mind. This reinvigorated state of mind will make us see things from new perspectives.
Another effective technique is to do meditation or simple exercises in the muscles.
Meditation will help you in many other areas than shyness: stress, clarity of mind, commitment, …
Meditation is not a practice to do at the moment. It’s something you do at one or more times in your day (in the morning, late afternoon).
This will help you rid your mind of all the “impurities” accumulated since the last session,
to return to a calm and calm state and to consider the rest of the operations more serenely.
There are several methods to meditate. Here is one to release the pressures, both physical and psychic.
Make yourself comfortable. You can just sit there, no need to go cross-legged. If you prefer, you can also lie down.
Become aware of all parts of your body, starting with your toes and going back to the top of your head.
Each time you become aware of an area of your body, tighten the muscles associated with it for 3 to 5 seconds then release them.
Repeat the exercise until you reach the top of your head.
In fact, I lie to you saying that meditation is not a practice to do at the moment. Because you can do it anytime, just focus on the current activity, bringing your mind back to the here and now as soon as it wanders. This activity can be as simple as breathing.
It is also often recommended as a medium of meditation.
#9 Face uncomfortable situations
I’m sorry but it will have to be done sooner or later.
And the sooner the better. Because the more you escape situations where you feel shy, the more you increase your shyness.
Over time, you do not do yourself a favor.
Instead of running away from it, face the situation. Make this anxious situation conducive to personal growth and introspection. Become the observer and tap into yourself.
Answer these questions:
Why do I feel like this?
What made me feel like that?
Can there be another explanation for what’s going on?
To overcome shyness, you must be ready to face it. And every time you face it, it’s up to you to decide to face it and overcome it. Or let it dominate you.
It is a daily and regular job that awaits you. But the efforts are worth it, to be released and significantly less stressed.
Do not try to avoid it. Because your shyness will only increase as you constantly try to avoid it.
So take the bull by the horns and face your shyness.